So this is the part where I talk about all my failures and fears. Boy are there A LOT! They all led to some valuable lessons but I really could have done without them...
First off, like most people, I think that all successful photographers and successful creatives of all types have no fears. They are successful, why would they doubt themselves? Only people like me doubt themselves. Well, I'm 31 now and I realize what a bunch of bullshit that is. We are all afraid. I am afraid all the time. Especially when it comes to my work. I don't want to fail. Failure blows. I'm scared of it all the time! It's stopped me in my tracks. It's terrible. It causes endless procrastination. That fear and self-doubt is the number one reason I seem lazy and the only reason I have not reached the goals I've set for myself. And even being aware of this, I still can't always face the fear and keep working. Because, shit, it's hard to believe in yourself when the judgement of your work is soooo subjective. The only thing that keeps me going is the work itself. When I can manage to drag my butt off the couch and go out and shoot, I lose myself in it. I mean my husband had to drag me out of the water on numerous occasions to remind me that my other slightly more important job of being a mother, needed to be tended to. I heard somewhere (can't remember where) that when it comes to photography, if you don't love the journey you're never going to survive. Why? Because there really isn't a destination. It's a fluid medium. There's no point at which you're going to say, "I've made it. I don't need to learn or create anymore images." That's just ridiculous. So for me, I realized I DO love the journey. So much so that I'm willing to battle the fear almost every day. Sometimes its an easy battle, but most days it's really f'ing hard.
Now that we've gotten the fear part out of the way, let's talk about my failures on this trip! The biggest thing was thinking things would be easier than they ended up being. I underestimated the challenges of shooting wide angle with only 30 ft. of visibility. While it's doable, it's not easy to get sharp images. I also did a good job of mucking up the water for myself. Especially if I was hovering in the same spot for a while trying to get the nesting fish. Second, I was staying relatively close to the surface to use ambient light which worked sometimes and not other times. Third, I saw a very inspiring photo by adventure photographer Emily Polar that I wanted to try to recreate for a self portrait and I figured it would be cake! Turns out making a normal face while holding your breath is really, really hard. (See below images... I pretty much gave up). And last but not least, my biggest regret and hardest lesson learned... I spent an extra week at the lake with just my son while my husband flew back to work. Because I didn't want to truck a ton of bags and a 2 year old through the airport on my own, I sent him back with my underwater gear. UGH! Total mistake. The day he left this huge mama bass and her school of babies came into our swim area and stayed there ALL DAY LONG. Without my gear I tried using my ancient GoPro to capture them but as you'll see below, it failed miserably. I was grumpy about it most of the rest of the trip. So lesson learned. Suck it up and keep my equipment around. I'll always hate myself if I keep letting opportunities go by because I'm afraid of a little discomfort.